Today I rang my mobile phone company. They had sent me, what I consider to be an astronomically high bill. I mean, they're well known for dreaming up extra little unexpected surcharges, but this was bold, even by their own weasel-like standards.

I started off all nice and friendly, and in fact, never once raised my voice or swore. I like to start difficult calls like this as it lulls the unsuspecting corporate drone into a false sense of security, about me being just another mild-mannered customer.

Throughout the call, my "customer advocate" tried (in vain) to get me to "change your calling plan, and not worry about all those mysterious charges, which will go away when you give the phone company all your worldly goods, and your mortal soul".

I was having none of it. I questioned every single detail on the bill, and just to piss him off a bit more, made him repeat back to me, what we both understood about each query I had.

A number of times, he tried to say, "Oh those are just some miscellaneous charges, don't worry about it." or even, "I'm not sure what that's about." On all such occasions, I made him go and ask someone else.

The longer the call went on, the more money he was losing. I talked him into a whole raft of deductions. I think if I'd continued the call into the afternoon, the phone company (Who I won't mention, but take a look at the headline and work it out) would have ended up owing me money.

By the end of the call, I'd gotten him to deduct nearly half of the original bill. I then demanded he remove his "advocacy fee" (yes, they have the gaul to charge $5 if you ring up to complain about your bill!) which he did. I'd also managed to get free web access for three months, after which I'll be getting it for half the price that they normally charge. I also got an hour of free daytime calls, because I kept mumbling something about switching to one of his competitors. All of this without agreeing to sign up for another year of service.

All in all, quite a successful phone call.

The thing is though, why should I, a customer, have to go head-to-head with the phone company's best brains, in order to not get screwed?

Time after time during the call, the "advocate" tried reel out numbers relating to my bill, in what seemed like an attempt to confuse me, and make me just give up and pay the damn bill.

This seems to be the overall approach by this company to its customers. Confusion equals acquiescence. I've seen it used in a number of other businesses in the States. It's like those "mail-in rebates", which work on the principle that a lot of people will never get round to mailing in their proof of purchase, and so the company gets to keep the full price of the goods.

My mobile phone company's bills typically take up about 10 pages, and are about as easy to read and understand as your average legal document (if your average legal document was written in Chinese).

As of today, that certain company we won't name and I are all buddy-buddy again. They've got me to pay my bill, and I got them to pay about half of it, and give me some freebies while they were at it.

What they don't know, is that I'll almost certainly be switching to one of their competitors, just as soon as I can get off my arse and go do it.

Then again, maybe I should stick with them? Afterall, they seem keen to chip in with paying my bills.