WARNING: This product contains rants

Years ago, when MTV started making The Real World, Channel Four in Britain bought the first series and showed it.

At the time I remembered thinking, "Well this is different. The girls are kinda cute. But what the heck has it got to do with the real world in Britain?"

Well, now I live in the US, I'm fully accustomed to the way of life here, and yet I'm still asking myself, "What the fuck does this have to do with the real world?"

Let me make it absolutely clear that I do not routinely watch The Real World. I just happened to hit the wrong digits on the remote, whilst looking for a Cheers re-run this evening, and I got MTV instead of Nick at Nite.

See, since the first series, they've gone from half a dozen fairly cute twentysomethings, to half a dozen Melrose Place extras. The property they're given to live in, is even more obscenely expensive and over equipped than in the original series, and they seem to be issued with luxury cars now too.

When it started, they had people with real problems. One guy was HIV+. Now the problems seem to centre around just 'how special' each of the participants needs to feel.

But what really pisses me off, after I managed to struggle through three very long minutes, is the skinny bitch on the show, bawling her eyes out, because her ex-boyfriend pinched/grabbed her side, in an affectionate way.

She took this to mean that he thought she was fat. She's a size zero* for fuck's sake! She then started whinging on and on and on about how she'd gained seven pounds since she'd been in the house. Well boo-fucking-hoo. Cry me a river, why don't you! She's still less than half the weight of the average American.

The girl looks like a stick insect with boobs, or to use a female friend of mine's expression, "Jelly-tots on an ironing board". She's well-tanned, and has everything provided for her, for at least six months, and will doubtless find some poor sap to provide for her after that. Despite all this, we're supposed to feel sorry for her? I don't think so.

This is just like the various blogs I've found (and ranted about (2nd article down)), written by (nearly always west coast American) teenage girls, bleating about who they need to, "drop another five, before the prom."

This is as loathsome as that obese guy, suing fast food chains for making him fat.

What the hell is MTV playing at putting these air-heads on screen? They're just furthering that whole Girls Should Be Anorexic culture. I bet MTV's so-called 'News'** programme will still be doing articles on, "The terrible Anorexia crisis in America." and acting all concerned, despite the network's obvious endorsement of the oppression of girls and young women into remaining emaciated.

Me? I used to be a skinny person until, in my mid-twenties:

a) I discovered that I liked the taste of Guinness
b) I had a desk job, to which I couldn't walk or cycle
c) My metabolism slowed down
d) I discovered that I liked the taste of some more Guinness

But, apart from a slightly-less-than-flat stomach, I'm comfortable with how I am, and if I'm ever not, then it's down to me, no-one else, to put right. Perhaps I have it easy, being a guy. There's nothing like the pressure on boys and men to stay slim, like there is on girls and women.

Perhaps MTV should re-vamp The Real World? They could even attempt realism. Let's have a house, in the US, with:

1) No waifs
2) No jocks
3) People with nice personalities. Hell, people with personalities.
4) Black people who aren't trying to be Playas or Miss Thing***
5) A token religious person who isn't a christian.
6) No complimentary megalith full-size† SUV.
7) People who's biggest problems in life don't stop at a broken nail

Of course it'll never happen. You won't sell so much advertising for Pepsi Twist with reality. Not actual reality. Why? Well maybe MTV viewers just aren't interested in the real world?

*An American size, used to describe anorexic little bitches with a good tan, or Calista Flockhart after a prolonged visit to Denny's All-You-Can-Eat Bucket o' Meat & Eggs counter.

**If you call three minutes of articles about which band's drummer has been rushed into hospital due to an overdose, news.

***Something which doesn't do any favours for all the educated, well-mannered black people. or other racial minorities. It just goes to further all the negative stereotypes that the bigots of this world hold dear.

† European readers please note: An SUV is a Sports Utility Vehicle, such as a Jeep, a Ford Explorer or a Land Rover. A 'full-size' SUV is even bigger than these. Look up Ford Expedition, Ford Excursion, GMC Yukon, Chevrolet Suburban etc.

Typically, the 'full-size' SUVs get about 8mpg. Seriously.