Warning: this product contains rants

The iBook's hard disk has died. I rang Apple, and they're sending a courier with a box. He'll be requested Monday, arrive Tuesday, and return Thursday with the iBook fixed.

You can't fault Apple's AppleCare plan. It costs less than these so-called "extended warranty" schemes that the electronics retail stores offer, and the problems are actually resolved, quickly and efficiently.

A Lesson From History
When I bought my first Mac (an iMac DV Special Edition), I did so from CompUSA. Given the size of the purchase, I paid $200 for an extended (two year) warranty from them. What can I say? I hadn't been living in the US for more than a couple of months, and I was unaware just how big a bunch of lying bastards they were.

After a few months, I started having problems with the Mac's display. It would flicker, it would discolour, and sometimes it would resize the screen image to be squished into 2/3 of the available space.

So I, like the trusting fluffy bunny I was, mentioned this problem to the so-called technicians* at CompUselessA. I was told that it might be electrical interference. Yeah, right. OK, I'll play along. I went home and checked. It wasn't.

So I took the iMac into the store, and asked them to fix it. They kept the thing for a week, in which time they claimed** that they'd tested it, but been unable to recreate the problem. My suspicion was that they'd actually had it on a shelf, switched off, whilst they used the glass of the screen as a mirror, to help them pop the myriad of pimples, zits and spots that seem to be a requirement for working there. I suppose I was lucky they wiped the puss off the glass before handing it back. After all, who wants a green screen monitor in this day and age?

After another week or so, the display's problems resurfaced, so I photographed it, took the pictures into CompUSA, and demanded action. Boy did I feel good when they hopped to it! The iMac was with them for five days, and when it was handed back to me, I was told that they'd replaced the graphics card, the motherboard and some other component.

After a couple more weeks, the problems reoccurred. This time, Mr Fluffy Bunny was not in da haus.

I rang Apple, and told my story of woe. They, bless 'em, put me in touch with a Macintosh repair specialist, about half a mile from my office, and said that they would pay for everything.

The Truth Comes Out
The technician*** was a nice guy, who really 'went the extra mile' to fix my Mac. In the course of his repair, he rang Apple to ask for a spare part.

To explain for a second, all Macintosh spare parts come from Apple. They are the only distributor, and they ask for the serial number of each Mac before they give a spare part out for it. That way, they know exactly what spare parts have been put in each computer they've sold.

He mentioned to them what I'd been told by CompUSA (that they'd replaced three components), and they checked their records. According to Apple, CompUSA had replaced NO parts of my Mac whatsoever.

Yes, that's right dear reader, they had looked me in the eyes, and lied. Not a little white lie, but a big, fat, pimple-covered red lie, with a side-order of deceit.

Apple sent the Mac technician the one part that actually needed replacing, he fixed the Mac, and I had it back, in full working order.

This Is A Job For... Procrastination Man!
I was (surprise surprise) furious. Not only had these ignorant fuckers at CompUSA taken $200 of my hard(ly)-earned money, they'd wasted my time, and lied to me.

I spent some time thinking about how to complain further, but in the end, apathy set in. My Mac was fixed, free of charge, and the thought of having to talk to those thieving scumbags at CompUSA was more than I could bare.

Employment Policy
The trouble is, that CompUSA knows what it can get away with. It's the biggest electronics retailer in town, and so it knows it can withstand pissing off the occasional customer, by cutting corners on costs, because the majority of consumers don't notice, and keep coming back for more.

Why spend good money employing educated intelligent people, when they can get away with paying a pittance to staff with IQ's lower than their shoe size?

This works well for them, because the majority of the general public know even less about computers than the acne-ridden Fox viewers they employ. So this allows CompUSA to keep costs to a minimum, and profits to a maximum.

AppleCare
If you're buying a Mac, get AppleCare. It costs less than CompUselessA's extended warranty, the work is done by experts rather than lying fuckers, and the service is first class.

CompUSA ELB† Warranty on an iMac: $200 for two years
AppleCare on an iMac: $150 for THREE years

Anyone of any intelligence above that of CompUSA employees can do the math/maths on that one.

Another CompUSA Story
I now only buy consumables (such as blank CD-R disks) from CompUSA. However, a year after all this mentioned above took place, I bought an Apple Pro Mouse from them.

The Apple Pro Mouse, is an optical, one-button USB mouse. In fact there isn't even a button to press, you just tilt your hand forward, whilst holding it, to click.

Anyway, CompUselessA had stuck one of their, "Training available for this product" stickers on the box. After paying for it, I asked, deadpan, if there was a course I could go on to learn how to use this product. The guy on the till†† said that he'd have to ask someone, and headed off to get a supervisor.

I walked out, laughing rather too maniacally.

*These are the members of staff there who have developed their hand-eye co-ordination enough to not immediately stab themselves in the eye, should they be given a screwdriver. The remaining, less-developed staff, are employed on the shop floor.

**That's CompUSA-speak for, "lied through their teeth".

*** An accredited Apple technician, complete with brain, clue, and perfect hand-eye co-ordination.

† Extended Lying Bastard

††cash register, if you're American.