So, Sunday was "Oscar Night". In case you were wondering, I didn't win any.

My friends Jim and Julia held their annual Oscar party, at their place in Parker. It was good to see them again, and Ben, their minature Snauser!

Parker is a former one-horse town, that's become the fastest growing suburb of the greater metropolitan Denver. Many of my fellow Britons, who moved to the US when I did, were herded towards buying property in Parker. If you read my piece on Highlands Ranch, then the same applies to Parker. It's possibly a tad less like Germany, but the houses are just as beige as those in Highlands Reich.

Suffice to say, that none of my friends, in either Parker or The Reich, are of the extreme right-wing Baptist persuasion.

There was a buffet of food, and what looked like a tin bath filled with ice and beer. Sadly, I was designated driver for the night, so had to be sensible with the beer.

Whoopi Goldberg hosted (in Hollywood, not in Parker), and was remarkably funny. Unlike Steve Martin last year, she came across as doing her own material, and a lot of it was improvised. She made me laugh, which is not something she's done much of in the past.

I've no idea which channel we watched it on, but it didn't involve the prematurely embalmed Joan Rivers, and better yet, no-one was interviewing stars about their dresses.

God, I hate that question, "So who are you wearing?". Not that I get asked it a lot. Probably because the answer is limited to Eddie Bauer, The Gap and Levi's. If Apple starts making clothes, that'll add a fourth name. Come to think of it, I did get a free t-shirt from the Apple Store when it opened.

The point being, it's a question indicative of the uber-lameness of those pre-Oscar fashion spotting commentators. Come the revolution, they'll be up against the wall, stood next to the car salesmen.

I was disappointed that Lord Of The Rings didn't win best film, and that Memento didn't do better. I guess Memento isn't mainstream enough for the Oscars. At least it did well in at the Indepedent Spirit Awards.

Denzel Washington got the gong for best bloke, even though his film, Training Day, was a cop flick. Oh well, he's a nice guy, so it's not the end of the world. I was just glad that professional grumpy lout, Russell Crowe, didnt win it.

Halle Berry won best Actress, and was completely freaked out by it. I've never seen anyone so completely lose it at an awards ceremony. that is unless you count Oasis and 'the plot' at the Brits a few years ago. She was in bits, crying uncontrollably. She actually managed to go through all the major emotions; Crying, Fear, Anger and Joy. I think she was in danger of winning another Oscar, just for the acceptance speech.

I'd like to have seen Gosford Park win more Oscars than it did, but I guess it's not the sort of film that usually wins Oscars. It probably didn't have enough Americans in it.