Warning: This product contains rants

(* A 1970's British slang term for a very stupid person)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! Ah-hem... sorry... needed to get that off my chest.

So, I'm watching my favourite geek show, The Screensavers, as I do most nights, and some retard phones in to ask, "Can I run Mac OS X on my PC". I wouldn't mind so much if this was the first time someone had rung in to ask this. It's not. Some git wastes my time and theirs on an almost regular basis, asking this question.

The Producers of The Screensavers need to fire the people who screen the calls they let on air.

Another question that gets asked about once a month, by someone who either doesn't watch the show regularly, or has the mental capacity and memory of your average goldfish, is "I want to share my internet connection between my Windows 98 laptop and my Windows 2000 PC. What do you suggest I use to do this?". Every fucking month this happens, and every fucking month the lads, bless 'em, patiently trot out a list of suggestions. Who are these cretins who didn't think to make a note the last time this was covered? More to the point, who the hell is letting this idiots get on the show, when there's a plethora of good, different, valid questions that don't get on (I know this because I read the discussion boards - now that's sad).

I think they should let me be a presenter on the show, if only for one day. I'd sort things out.

Caller: I have a Compaq POS PC and a Gateway Spaz500 laptop and I want to know how I can share my cable modem between them?
Me: So did you just get cable TV?
Caller: No, I've had it for years
Me: So you've seen the show before?
Caller: Yes, I've been watching for a year now.
Me: So is it just that you're a retard?

silence

Me: OK. Listen up all of you. This is absolutely the last time we're going to answer this. If you're too stupid to remember not to waste our fucking time asking the same damn question over and over and over... then we're going to trace your phone number, or if it's a netcam call, we'll trace your IP address, hunt you down, and beat you to death with a Netgear router. Obviously, we wouldn't use a Linksys router, as they have plastic cases.

Me: Oh, and with reference to Duwayne's call earlier about "can he put Mac OS X on his PC". No you fucking can't you moron! You couldn't put it on your PC two weeks ago, and guess what? You still can't!! Don't you retards think that if Apple had released a version of OS X for PC we'd have covered it on the show? But we haven't have we? No! So they haven't released a PC version have they? NO! So stop fucking asking you mental midgets!

Me: And do you know what really gets me? These are the same redneck inbred PC bigots who for years have been the first to slag off Macintoshes. It's funny, isn't it, how elegant and efficient Macintoshes are used by the creative people in the world, whilst the trailer trash, Quake playing neanderthal's stick with their beige Wintel SUV-style PCs. Now all of a sudden, with the release of XP - the ultimate spyware OS, you philistines are starting to realise how much cooler (and stable) OS X is.

Me: Why don't you just hand Gates your credit cards whilst you're down there, knelt in front of him, suc......

(at which point, there is an unexpected cut to a commercial break)

I mean, I know that they're there to help people, but there's only so much time for viewer calls, so why go over the same old shite again and again?

OK. I feel better now. Thank you for listening. Sorry about the bad language, but well... you know... sometimes it's a necessary evil.

And yes, this blog is written on a Macintosh, running OS X (that's BSD Unix with a quality front-end, to you guv) ;-)