I was going to make this article about "people who'll be first up against the wall, when I sweep into power", but I have to get this off my chest first.

This afternoon, I came into the lounge, to find Top of the Pops playing on BBC America. First off, it was being presented by that uber-himbo, Jamie Theakston. If ever there was someone on TV who needed a good beating, it was him. But even Lamie Weakston isn't the target of my wrath. In fact, after the guilty party had finished, his back-intro and link to the next act, was subtly disparraging of them.

The target of my venom, is (yet) a(nother) manufactured teen boy and girl band. They are (ironically) called Allstars. You know the sort of band. None of them can play an instrument, let alone write a song, yet I bet they still put "Musician" under the occupation category on their passports. Of course, that's assuming that they're not still on their parent's passport.

The first thing I couldn't believe was their choice of song. It was a cover rather than an original. But that's not the scary/bizzare/annoying bit. They chose to cover... get this... Bucks Fizz's "Land of Make-Believe" ! Yes, your eyes weren't decieving you, it really was a Fucks Bizz cover.

I mean, it's bad enough that these bands are manufactured. It's even worse that none of them wouldn't know a treble clef if it came up to them and gave them the beating they so richly deserve. It's even worse still, that they do a cover song. But BUCKS FIZZ????

What the fuck is going on with British music? How low a common denomenator do the suits think we should go for?

But it gets worse. Oh yes. Not only are they doing this crappy little early eighties dribble, and all they do is sing in unison on it, but they were shit even at that. They sucked, even by boy-band standards. None of them had strong singing voices, and it took about seven of them to do this feeble performance. Safety in numbers perhaps, for when the crowd decides to lynch them? The really depressing thing, is that the crowd has been conditioned to like this sort of badly-performed shite, and I bet half of them didn't even know it was a cover, as none of the TOTP audience would have been born when the original came out in 1981.

They were so weak and amateurish, it was like watching some end-of-term talent show at a high school. In fact, if you'd seen the (unintentionally laughable) choreography, you'd have though it was the Special Ed class on stage, after a few too many glasses of Cocoa-Cola.

I know I don't always use swear words in this blog, and maybe some of wish I never used them, but these gimps absolutely fucking sucked donkey's ass.

I know I'm getting old, but I still like to think I'm reasonably in touch with the music scene - even way out here in the western United States. I understand the need for some boy bands, it gives teenagers something to watch. But this was so shit, I just couldn't believe anyone had given them a record contract.

I think the Top of the Pops producers had cottoned on to how weak the band's voices were, and had faded them down in the broadcast mix. Suffice to say, the backing track was a lot louder than the vocal track. However, I guess there's only so much you can do with technology to cover up bad singing.