So anyway, the other night whilst out in downtown Denver, I ended up, late at night, at a jazz club. No harm there then, I can hear you thinking. I too was optimistic, as I strolled without a care in the world, into Jazz @ Jack's. No doubt we were in store for some cookin', straight-ahead playing, to end the evening.

Do the words, "riding for a fall" strike a chord?

After a while, the band came on, for their second set of the evening. I'm not going to name them, but if you were in Jazz@Jack's on Friday night, you'll know who I mean.

I'm sure they're lovely guys really, but several of them looked like you'd imagine child molesters look. Y'know, badly dressed, sweaty, creepy, with earrings and really scary facial hair, plus the sort of haircuts that are probably so naff, they're illegal in Europe.

Their appearance should have given me a clue about their music. However, in what must have been a record-breaking level of optimism, I didn't run for the door as soon as they shuffled onto the stage.

You know where this is heading, don't you?

Yes, they played... smooth "jazz". There. I've said it. May (insert deity here) have mercy upon my soul.

The whole performance was skin-crawlingly odious from start to finish. I've felt less repulsed, watching open-heart surgery.

Whilst each of the musicians were technically gifted in the operation of their instruments, the music, and indeed the performance lacked any kind of soul whatsoever. I'm assuming that they all sold their souls when buying their instruments from Satan's earth-bound musak representative, Kenny G.

I mean, don't these smooth jazz performers (and for that matter listeners) hear what's being played? Soulless elevator music. Music to buy frozen peas to.

It was the sort of music - so lacking in any human emotion, soul or feeling - that it could have been written by the cast of Baywatch computer.

And then there was the - frankly, possessed by demons - way in which the band leader gyrated whilst playing. For that matter, the even more disturbing way in which he danced whilst not playing. Try to imagine a creepy, clammy-palmed chubby never-married uncle, dancing with 14 year-olds at a wedding disco.

Oh, and let's not forget the seemingly endless banter between songs. Inane humour, and in-jokes that no-one but the band and their immediate family would get, and constant bragging about how successful they were, and the money they had coming in. Guess what guys? We don't fucking care. Or rather we do, if only because we'd like to get hold of the mindless idiots who are buying your records, and slap them.

Just in case their music and banter hadn't wound me up enough, they also - as part of their between-song "humor" kept playing the "CU fight song". No, I don't know why a university would need to formalise it's students fighting, by composing music for it either.

Perhaps it's just yet another sign of how, being good at sports is the most important thing, as far as the American education system is concerned? Geeks and academics take second place to taller, musclier lunkheads.

It's almost as if, the lessons of Columbine (ie. too much focus on sporting achievement at school) have been forgotten. Then again, maybe they were just playing smooth "jazz" in the cafeteria?