OK, so after a fair bit of work, and a vast amount of procrastination, I've implemented an upgrade for DMfM.

I'm not talking about upgrading the version of MovableType that powers the DMfM article-posting. Despite following the instructions to the letter, the upgrade failed to work, and so I rolled us back to v2.51.

Tonight's upgrade is on the contact email facility. Gone is the awkward "mailto" link, with readers having to have their e-mail client launch, and then manually edit the email address.

From now on, just hit "Contact DMfM" and a pop-up window will appear.

The form is secure, so any information you send, including your email address, will be encrypted before it's sent to DMfM headquarters.

Of course the advantage of a form over a mailto link is that if you're writing to DMfM from work, or on a public computer (such as at a library or cybercafé), the computer's email client is bypassed, and thus leaves no trace of your communication with DMfM.

I've taken time to add new graphics and buttons on both the Feedback form and the Thank You page, hopefully these are in keeping with the style of the DMfM Phone.

I will write some javascript soon, that will validate the Feedback form before it's sent.

Other planned upgrades include better image galleries (with faster-loading thumbnail pages), and a search facility - to allow you to search all the site's content.

The other day, I decided to conduct a little social experiment. I had some errands to do, and Miles - who puts in a full day at the office with me every day - wanted to tag along on my trip.

So I took him into the bank with me. The sign on the door stipulated, "No Firearms, No Solicitors, No Skateboarding, No Loitering (the most ironic restriction, given the venue)". It did not say, "No Dogs". My experiment was to see:

1. If anyone say anything about him being in the bank?
2. Who would say something - staff or other customers?
3. Whether he'd have to leave, given that there wasn't a sign specifically saying, "not to bring your dog in the bank".

The latter point is a very American approach to life, that sometimes results in people suing knife-manufacturers, because they hurt themselves, due to the knife not having a, "Do not stab yourself repeatedly with this knife" warning on the handle.

As it goes, no-one said anything about Miles being in the bank. This may be, because they were all in a coma, or because another customer - sporting the clichéd shaven-headed-althletic-vest-wearing latino look - had cycled into the bank, on his BMX bike, and was sat astride it, at a teller window. Talk about being up-staged. Jeez. If they'll politely ignore that, no wonder they didn't complain about my boy.

Then, like some bad Seinfeld observational comedy, the whole, "The line at the bank... what's up with that?" thing kicked in. Yes, it's lunchtime, so they close a couple of teller desks.

That in itself wouldn't be so bad, if the remaining desks/windows/whatever, were staffed by people capable of GAFMO instead of staff, who were either the youngest ever altzheimer sufferers, or just plain stupid.

Of the three windows open, two of them had the same customers at them the whole time I was queuing. This makes me think that the banks should implement the same system that supermarkets use at their checkout. Instead of a few "14 Items Or Less" windows, they'd have, "Nothing Too Complicated" windows. Other more complicated transactions will be handled by the bank's token grown-up on duty.

In the end, it took twenty-five minutes of queuing, for Miles and I to reach a teller. Frankly, Miles was looking a lot less pissed off about the wait than I was, and of the two of us, he was the one less likely to growl at the bank staff.

I am unashamedly a Doctor Who fan. I make no secret of it. I love Sci-Fi generally, and my favourite TV Sci-Fi has always been British. Blake's Seven is another big favourite with me.

Doctor Who is a television series that has a place in the heart of millions of Britons, Americans, and the people of many other countries around the world.

I still remember the day, back in 1989, when the last episode of Doctor Who was broadcast on British TV. A show that had been running (pretty much) continuously since 23rd November 1963 (yes, the day after JFK was assassinated) was over. Killed off by BBC senior management, just as its ratings were starting to pick up.

Since then, I - like many DW fans - have dreamt of it making a TV comeback. The US-made TV movie version of it in 1996 was nothing short of a travesty. A classic case of the US media's "more money than style" approach to remaking British TV. Even American DW fans were appalled at what the Fox Network did with this classic series. In one 90-minute TV movie, they totally undid 30+ years of the show's history by using throw-away lines that they hoped would make the show appealing to a wider audience.

Get To The Point Max
Yes, you're right... I should.

For some time now, I've been thinking how advances in computerised special effects would make it very easy (and affordable) to start making the series again, with the good visuals it deserves, without breaking the bank. No longer would they have to have a man in a rubber suit, looking like an unconvincing monster. A CGI'ed monster could really put the oomph back in the scare-factor.

As an actor, and a DW fan, obviously I'd be a prime choice to take over the role of The Doctor. Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?

So the point is that finally, it looks like the powers that be at the BBC have cottoned on the the MASSIVE following that Doctor Who has, and have agreed that the BBC will start making the series again. The full story (so far) is found on the BBC News website here.

I hope it gives you as big a thrill to read, as it did me.

I doubt it will. You'll have to go a long way to be as excited as I was, reading this great news.

One of Miles' favourite occupations, is hanging out on the porch. Whilst moving into the apartment, on several occasions, I discovered that he'd snuck down onto the porch, and lazed there (offering no help with moving boxes) for several hours, watching the world go by.

At weekends, Miles' new friend Buddy comes to stay in the other apartment. The two of them like nothing more than a lazy Sunday afternoon, kicking back on the porch, and whittlin' some.

click image to enlarge

One of the (few) skills, beyond all the technical ones, that I possess, is what could be called, "the ability/guts/stupidity to stand up in front of a crowd of strangers, and risk possible embarrassment". The technical term for this is, Public Speaking.

As you may already be aware, in addition to my radio broadcasting, I have many years of stage-acting experience, plus the ability to waffle on, ad nauseum, until I remember what the hell I was supposed to be saying,

All of this, plus some of my technical knowledge, is why later this week, I'm giving a speech in a gay bar.

No, this isn't a lifestyle-choice I've previously not mentioned, it's a paid engagement. Oh, wait, that sounds a little dubious. Well, I can assure you it doesn't involve me taking my clothes off, or singing show-tunes. Well, not unless the Guinness is free, and even then, I think we'll be limited to a couple of choruses of, "Losing My Mind", or, "Springtime For Hitler".

Obviously I just did a little Google for some show tune titles, and decided against suggesting I might sing, "Your Daddy's Son", at that venue. I'll also be avoiding anything from the musical "Urinetown" - at least until after the fourth pint.

Folks, I'm about to attempt to upgrade the internal workings of DMfM. Currently we're running MoveableType v2.51, and with any luck, after the upgrade, we'll be running v2.64.

Those of you with a maths background will have already worked out that this will mean that DMfM will be 1.3 better.

So anyway, if DMfM disappears for a while, that's why.

Being the crafty sod I am, I have of course backed up all the old MT stuff.

OK... everyone hold on tight... here we go............

UPDATE: Utter failure. I followed the upgrade instructions to the letter, and it totally hosed my MT system. Luckily I had brains to back up the old system. Hence we're still here :)

As you know, in my spare time, I'm a public radio broadcaster.

With the acquisition of gainful employment, my broadcasting has been severly limited - mainly to evenings and weekends.

In the early days of my radio career, I used to post the days and times I was due on-air, here on DMfM. This was on the off-chance that any DMfM readers might like to listen in (they stream the station over the internet).

After a while, that got kinda boring, and in any case, I often only had an hour's notice before being due on-air.

I've done half a dozen shows since starting my day-job, and not mentioned it to you.

However, yesterday at work, I got a call from the station's program director, offering me a bunch of shows.

So anyway, my upcoming broadcasting is as follows:

• Sunday 21st September 9-11pm
• Thursday 9th October 7-10pm
• Thursday 16th October 7-10pm
• Sunday 19th October 9-11pm
• Thursday 23rd October 7-10pm

On the 9th and 16th, the shows will be part of the Fall pledge drive fro KUVO , so why not show your support for public radio, and phone in with a pledge?

Just don't touch that dial!

The following memo does not apply to all Colorado wait staff. In fact it mainly applies to those badly-trained waitrons, who's corporate training, and eagerness to inflate their gratuity, causes them to become obnoxious.

Memo To Colorado's Waitrons

When I am dining in your restaurant, and you present me with the menu, Just hand me the menu, take the drinks order, and sod off, whilst my friends and I consider which dishes are least likely to come with a compulsory 3lbs of low-grade grated Cheddar on them.

I do not want to know, which are your favourite items on the menu. In the unlikely event that we're so overwhelmed by the culinary choices offered (in Colorado? Yeah, right.), we will ask you for suggestions.

You don't know me, or my food tastes, and in theory, all the dishes on the menu should be good, so why do you all go to such lengths to inform me of all your personal favourite dishes on the menu?

I'm not dining with you, I'm dining with friends, and you are bringing the food to our table.

Talking of which, if you decide to sit in a spare seat on our table, whilst taking the order, we will assume that you're joining the dinner party, and will be splitting the bill with us.

I'm a friendly guy really, but when you're waiting on me, you're not my buddy, you're providing a service, so if you want a tip, let's quit with the over-familiarity, and take the damn order.

And whilst we're here, let's get another thing straight. Meals come in courses. The idea is, diners have one course, and after they've finished, you clear the plates away, and see about bringing the next course. That's how it works.

You do not just sidle up to our table, whilst we're still eating our appetizers/starters (whatever), carrying our main courses, and foist them upon us. You might be in a hurry to get us out of there, so you can patronise and irritate fresh victims, but we are not. We are there to enjoy a meal with friends. This isn't about you. You're the paid help. We're the ones paying, so sod off and leave us be, until you spy that we're done with the first course.

Maybe it's just me being a European, or maybe it's just me wanting to avoid severe heartburn, but dinner - where possible - should be savoured, not charged through, like it's an athletic event. Dinner should take all evening, and should be a social occasion. It shouldn't be a challenge to see if diners can eat as fast as the food arrives.

In any event, if you paid more attention to your tables, and less to your need for a cigarette break, perhaps we patrons might feel a more like valued customers, and a bit less like an inconvenience to your lifestyle.

In the meantime, bring me a menu, a drink, and at the appropriate time, my main course.

Thanks to Danelle for alerting DMfM that we've made it into print.

DMfM gets a mention in the Rocky Mountain News.

It really doesn't seem like two whole years since the terrible events that occurred on this day in 2001.

I'll always remember that morning, and the slack-jawed shock with which I watched events unfold.

My life was so different then, it seems a lifetime away, and yet it also seems so recent. Even though I don't personally know anyone killed by the terrorist attacks, I know many many people's lives, including my own, that were permanently altered by what happened, either politically, economically or spiritually.

It's tempting to get political and talk about continuing US Foreign Policy, how it's' not improved and how the US's isolationism has worsened, but really, today is not the day for such things.

Today is the day for remembering those unfortunate souls, who lost their lives. Today is the day for looking at friends, colleagues, and strangers in the street, smiling, and celebrating the fact that we're all still alive.

Peace.

Big thanks to Andy at Worldwide Rant for the following story about how the American Telemarketers Association is all upset because one of my favourite humourists, Dave Barry, got readers to call them. Apparently, several thousand calls clogged the lines of the association. Tragic. Not.

The article to read is here in the Miami Herald but read Andy's commentary too.

I love the idea of people costing the telemarketers money, by calling their 1-800 number, and then asking for help getting onto the No Call List. Irony is alive and well in America!

At what point are Americans going to make the connection between allowing members of the public to have guns, and this tragic event?

Hello? Anyone?

But at no point will any of Colorado's television channels ever question the wisdom of allowing the public to have firearms. God forbid they'd upset gun dealers, the NRA, or anyone likely to spend money on TV advertising.

I'll start treating these weasels as credible news agencies, when they bother to ask the uncomfortable questions that need to be asked, instead of glossing over the deeper issues, in favour of maintaining the public's general level of paranoia, and pandering to commercial interests.

Oh, and any of you pro-gun folks out there, don't bother rambling on about how it says you have the right to bear arms, in the Constitution.

For one, it also says, "...as part of a well-regulated militia..." - and I don't see any of you attending militia training and planning sessions.

For another, perhaps more significant thing, a child has died. The public are allowed to go around buying and carrying guns, and a gun has been used by one teen, to kill another. That's the simple facts of the matter. If guns had not been available, this would not have happened. It's that simple.

So quit wrapping yourselves in the flag, and clinging on to these insane (have you heard Charlton Heston lately) and deadly (and quite frankly stupid) notions, and go do something positive about the situation.

If you did, then perhaps we could then be spared from having to sit through the US media's hypocritical coverage of such unnecessary deaths, and they could get back to concentrating on the really important issues, like, "What the Broncos did today..."

So anyway, the other night whilst out in downtown Denver, I ended up, late at night, at a jazz club. No harm there then, I can hear you thinking. I too was optimistic, as I strolled without a care in the world, into Jazz @ Jack's. No doubt we were in store for some cookin', straight-ahead playing, to end the evening.

Do the words, "riding for a fall" strike a chord?

After a while, the band came on, for their second set of the evening. I'm not going to name them, but if you were in Jazz@Jack's on Friday night, you'll know who I mean.

I'm sure they're lovely guys really, but several of them looked like you'd imagine child molesters look. Y'know, badly dressed, sweaty, creepy, with earrings and really scary facial hair, plus the sort of haircuts that are probably so naff, they're illegal in Europe.

Their appearance should have given me a clue about their music. However, in what must have been a record-breaking level of optimism, I didn't run for the door as soon as they shuffled onto the stage.

You know where this is heading, don't you?

Yes, they played... smooth "jazz". There. I've said it. May (insert deity here) have mercy upon my soul.

The whole performance was skin-crawlingly odious from start to finish. I've felt less repulsed, watching open-heart surgery.

Whilst each of the musicians were technically gifted in the operation of their instruments, the music, and indeed the performance lacked any kind of soul whatsoever. I'm assuming that they all sold their souls when buying their instruments from Satan's earth-bound musak representative, Kenny G.

I mean, don't these smooth jazz performers (and for that matter listeners) hear what's being played? Soulless elevator music. Music to buy frozen peas to.

It was the sort of music - so lacking in any human emotion, soul or feeling - that it could have been written by the cast of Baywatch computer.

And then there was the - frankly, possessed by demons - way in which the band leader gyrated whilst playing. For that matter, the even more disturbing way in which he danced whilst not playing. Try to imagine a creepy, clammy-palmed chubby never-married uncle, dancing with 14 year-olds at a wedding disco.

Oh, and let's not forget the seemingly endless banter between songs. Inane humour, and in-jokes that no-one but the band and their immediate family would get, and constant bragging about how successful they were, and the money they had coming in. Guess what guys? We don't fucking care. Or rather we do, if only because we'd like to get hold of the mindless idiots who are buying your records, and slap them.

Just in case their music and banter hadn't wound me up enough, they also - as part of their between-song "humor" kept playing the "CU fight song". No, I don't know why a university would need to formalise it's students fighting, by composing music for it either.

Perhaps it's just yet another sign of how, being good at sports is the most important thing, as far as the American education system is concerned? Geeks and academics take second place to taller, musclier lunkheads.

It's almost as if, the lessons of Columbine (ie. too much focus on sporting achievement at school) have been forgotten. Then again, maybe they were just playing smooth "jazz" in the cafeteria?