My first week of vacation will go undocumented. The reasons for this are personal, and are not to be aired publicly, except to say that I was let down big-time by someone I cared for, very much indeed. I ended up in a rather awkward situation, wherein I decided that there was no point in being miserable on holiday, nor was there any point in going home early.

And so it was, that in a far flung branch of Starbucks (the only place with any internet access in town), bookings were made, seat reservations placed, and what has all the makings of an adventure, came into being. If I'm not happy where I am, go to somewhere I will be. It's not exactly rocket-science, but it works.

So as I write, I'm making my way - inexorably slowly - by plane, train, and automobile, to San Francisco, to see my darling Imelda, whom I've not seen for a good 2.5 years or so. What happens in SF is anyone's guess, but one thing is for certain, it'll be fun.

I'll be online to blog what does down, including what promises to be the Journey From Hell - going home to the UK. Yes I've flown from the US to the UK many many times, however, I've never done double red-eye flights - overnight SF to Boston, then overnight Boston to London the following night. Even my ability to exist on 15 minutes sleep and a lot of coffee, may be tested to the limit!

For the first time since 1999, I'm off on what could be described as a holiday. In all those years in the US, pretty much any vacation time I had was spent going back to the UK to visit the family. Now, working for British company, I have ample paid vacation (25 days a year, plus seven public holidays right from getting hired - read 'em and weep American workers!).

Having heard that there's little point in a trip back to Denver right now (a certain ex has apparently "gotten rid of" all my belongings. Yeah, that includes 300-400 CDs (many irreplaceable), many DVDs, clothes, and important papers including THE ONLY PHOTOGRAPHS I HAVE OF MY MOTHER WHO DIED WHEN I WAS A SMALL BOY. I hope that makes you happy K. Mrs Thatcher would have been proud of such heartlessness.

Anyway, having discovered all my worldly goods have been taken from me, plus having worked insanely hard in the past few months (which is why the trip to get my stuff got delayed), I decided, I'd console myself with a trip that was pure R&R.

The need for such a trip was realised when the company's in-house masseuse declared my shoulders, "so hard and tense they felt like concrete". So I bought a plane ticket, and have hit the skies.

Of course it wouldn't be a DMfM trip, if there wasn't the ever-present sinister conspiracy of the forces of darkness, working to foil my plans at every turn. It started at my front door, where "24/7 Liars" err, I mean "24/7 Taxis" failed to turn up at 9.30, so I could catch the 10am Heathrow Express. At 10am, they still hadn't turned up, so I got another firm to drive me.

It was then, that the forces of evil had another pop at me. I'd missed my 10am coach, but figured that as they run every 30 minutes, I'd just catch the next one. You'd think that as it's just essentially a bus ride, security and regulations might be a little less rigid than at the airport. You'd be wrong.

"Hello. I'm booked on the 10am coach, my taxi firm let me down, so can I go on the 10.30 one? I booked online. Here's my confirmation."

"Booked online? You'll have to pay again, then."

"You're joking."

"No, it's the rules. You could ask our supervisor, he's over there"

So I ask the supervisor, who mulls it over. Whilst he's doing this, jobsworth #1 is hovering at his elbow, waiving a copy of the new rules, and reminding him loudly that rescheduling is not allowed from an online booking.

Now, maybe "bus company assistant-nazi" isn't what our friend had set his hopes and dreams on, when planning his career, but guess what? That's not my fault.

I bet he's the same kinda guy who stands in line at the "10 items or less" checkout (note: it should be "Ten items or fewer" but they never get the English language right, on either side of the Atlantic), and whilst he's there, he counts the number of items in the basket or trolley of the person in front of him, tutting loudly, because the person has the criminal audacity to have 12 items.

So, I paid again, and was told to contact the bus company about a refund. After that, the rest of the journey went well. I can heartily recommend Virgin's online check-in facility. For the sake of five minutes online form-filling, you can avoid the lengthy queues at check-in, and stop by the bag drop area, where I queued a piddling few minutes, and only because there was a change of staff. Nice one Virgin! What a pity you guys can't run Oxford Bus Co. too.